As I find myself on the 2nd leg of my life, and in this dating world again, I realize the desperate need for women to communicate to our male counterparts some do’s and don’ts of approaching women.
First of all, the approach will obviously vary depending on where you meet the person. Of course, there is an acceptable approach in a club scene that would not be acceptable in a church or professional setting.
Nonetheless, I just want to share a couple of pet peeves according to my personal experiences:
When meeting women in the club, Fellas, please understand that less is always more.
There will be those women who came out just to meet a nice guy, some to meet a baller, even some to just take someone home for the night. However, until women start wearing labels on their foreheads indicating which one they are, you will need a general course of action.
After your initial approach, pay attention, she will undoubtedly give you clues as to which one she actually is. Just don’t assume before approaching.
– If she is looking for the nice guy, she may not drink too much; she may be dressed sexy but conservative; she may not likely sit at the bar (but then she might) she will keep you at a respectable distance and your hands off her butt while dancing.
– If she is looking for a baller, she will be dressed very provocative (short, tight-fitting dress) showing much cleavage and skin. She will probably sit at the bar and have a few drinks.
However, she won’t give you so much as a second look if you come off like a regular 9-to-5 working guy. Just tell her you are a music producer (that usually works here in Atlanta, lol)
– If she is looking for the guy to come home with just for some one night fun, that will be pretty noticeable. She will also be dressed very sexy, provocative, sleazy even. She will have way more drinks than she probably should.
She will stay on the dance floor grinding and twerking, and giving a show. She may even be bold and proactive and approach you first.
Now, however stereotypical these descriptions may sound, they are not one size fits all. There are many women who fall into either one of the above categories on any given occasion.
I’m just saying, if your approach is typical of the type C woman, do not approach type A. If you’re the nice guy hoping to find a nice girl in the club (side eye), then don’t approach type C.
If that is you, you still need to know that just because you buy a woman a drink it doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for you to babysit her the rest of the night.
The gesture of “buying a drink” is intended to be an icebreaker, a way to open a line of communication to introduce oneself; not a 10.00 marking of your territory.
(No peeing on fire hydrants in the clubs, gentlemen) Furthermore, if she found you attractive or interesting, you got a decent dialogue from her, and you exchanged numbers, that is the best time to walk away.
For one, it is way too loud to have a meaningful conversation and she may have come out to actually have a good time with her girls, so be considerate. Quit trying to block every other man in the club.
You may find out later that you’re not really that interested in her (or vice versa), but she spent her whole night smiling in your face because she didn’t want to be rude and tell you what I’m telling you right now. Leave her intrigued and wanting to call you tomorrow to find out more about you!
When meeting women online, do not treat everyone as a profile. Indeed, that is the only information you have about her at the time. However, you need to get to know her individually and not judge her by the last ten “profiles” you have already met.
- Give everyone the benefit of the doubt that you expect. Don’t be so quick to judge
- Don’t be creepy
- Keep your profile less than a page long; it should NOT be your biography
- Don’t mention love in the first conversation!
- Don’t assume every woman online is desperate!
- Just because a woman only posts face pictures does not mean she is fat!
- When meeting women out and about (in Wal-Mart or the post office, etc) don’t assume because she is beautiful that she is taken! If she’s not wearing a wedding/engagement ring, go for it! What is the worst that can happen? You got up that morning without knowing her, so if she is taken, you will go to bed that night without knowing her. You haven’t lost a thing!
I have been approached so many ways in the past four years that I have been single, it borders on hilarious (the guy that I would actually date, usually doesn’t approach me).
So, what’s the deal? What happened to the old fashioned “Hello, my name is________? Can I take you to dinner?” Women don’t even expect you to throw your white coat over the muddy puddle these days, but a little chivalry and lot of common courtesy is really not too much to ask for.
By Sharletha Gayten
What is the acceptable way to approach a man or woman in today’s society?